Arrrh!

What went wrong? This exhibit almost caused a catastrophe and we were told that things got pretty ugly when guys caught a glimpse of you. You should have been more careful when you know what lies beneath. You know what happens to bad products, don't you? If you don't, well they are burnt and shown live on NTA. We hereby confiscate your boxers and you are to remain in our custody until NAFDAC and SON give us a suitable date for the product burning live on television.

Illegal straps

This honorable court thought that this petty crime has been totally eradicated. Girlfriend, those ugly straps are drawing attention away from you. How dare you recreate that dress and wear your bra straps as sleeves. It's absolutely illegal and you have been sentenced to spend six months at Obasanjo Farms in Ota.

Tacky

When we saw this, we became instantly depressed because they're not fresh. This is so tacky, and plain old tacky. Pay a fine of N1 million. Case dismissed!

Chemical reaction

Madam we had to do a little research on your behalf and we were told by our style scientist that what actually occurred was a chemical reaction in which one reactant forming two distinct products clashed with another and as a result we're confronted with this terrible emergency on your arm. We could have just sympathised with you but you angered the jury by putting this 'minus' on display. We hereby refer you to a skin specialist, but before then, pay a fine of 1million.

Bra spill

We gathered from our fashion police that your “bra spill” almost caused a riot in the community but for the timely intervention of our Rapid Response Squad who saved the situation. We were told that all the teenage boys couldn't get their eyes off that region and their mothers had to place a distress call to the station. So for breaching the peace you would be detained until you meet up with the bail condition of N1milion.

Winter ensemble

Girlfriend, your labels scream class but your style is simply zero. We know how fashionable you are but we live in the tropics and your leather boots are not necessary. Or do we have winter here? Please get a life, because this combination is weird. Well, considering the fact that you are a first time offender we will temper justice with mercy. You are to pay a bail bond of N500, 000.