Colour separation

Big sis, what's up with the red water colour on your eyebrows and the black lip liner on your lips? At this age and time? Well, if there is anything good about this make-up, it's because it matches the red carpet. My jury thinks you should go back and memorize Section 234 of the 1990 constitution on that. You have been fined N.5m.

Porn serenade

We were short of words when you were nabbed on the 23rd of January dressed like this. You've violated the mini skirt law and we think you're just too desperate. Henceforth, you're under house arrest and banished from all public appearance for 603 days. In addition, you are to pay N1 million fine.

Hall of horror

Are there no mirrors in your world? Section 23a subsection 12 of the fashion code states that, “The key to mixing prints is not taking the boldest patterns and trying to match them, but instead allow things to really mesh-up. Never wear two bold prints together. This is only suitable for the hall of horrors. Go get a make-up education, please. Meanwhile, pay N1 million.

Boob Felony

Why on earth must you pump-up your girls in the guise of being fashionable? This is not stylish at all. Simply stated, it's boobs felony. Honestly, we are so embarrassed. With all the authority vested in this court, you've been found guilty. Pay N1.5 million.

Boobs disarray

We've been told that your lawyer is working tirelessly to make sure “you can expose your boobs, but not your nipples”. How on earth can that be allowed in our jurisdiction? Our style lawmakers have condemned this to the trashcan. You've been fined N3 million.

Dangerous cover-up

Since you tried hard to tamper with evidence, we have also refused to look the other way. You're hereby found guilty and ordered to remain in our custody until after the polls. Meanwhile, you're required to participate in removing banners and posters in three local council areas in Abia State with an option of N2 million fine.