Initial Public Offer

We can see right through you, not just your dress but your mind, which is clearly intent on destabilizing right thinking men, and cause them to stray. We even got wind of a petition sent to Iyom Josephine Aneni, Hon. Minister of Women Affairs by a woman, whose husband was led astray upon sighting your suggestive gown. For causing marital disharmony and disorder in public places, the female operatives of the Nigeria Civil Defence Corps are ordered to arrest and convey you in a Black Maria to MFM for special deliverance prayer.
They are strip that dress off you and burn it. Pay a fine of N10 million.

D-I-Y dress

While creativity is appreciated by this court, this is only acceptable when it 'fits in' and not obvious that it was hurriedly done at home. But in the instant case, we are utterly confused and find it difficult to place this design: is it a gown or some material tacked onto another. This court orders KAI operatives to confiscate your dress and deliver it to Maufechi to evaluate and advice
this court accordingly. This is adjourned to the next sitting.

Run for cover!

Not only do your green 'eyes' fill us with dread, calling up images of a mermaid among humans, we are 'petrified' by the terrible choice of purple ear rings. Who ever told you that green and purple match? You simply failed to correctly accessorize. Green and black would have been picture perfect. But you missed it! For committing this fashion faux pas, you are fined N2 million.

Goof from the rooftops

Bros, this is a goof from the rooftops, indeed! We know you don't belong to the club of power dressers, but we certainly didn't expect this. For a person of your calibre, the choice of footwear is to say the least, shocking, embarrassing and offensive. We are amused. Pay a fine of N10 million into the account of the SOS Children's Village, Isolo.

Hairy scary

Bet if little Sophie saw you with her mum, she would ask if you are the ojuju calabar, she had heard about. To preserve public sanity, you are henceforth barred from appearing in public places dressed in this 'hairy scary' manner. And serve a deterrence, this court hereby imposes a fine of N1 million only.

Baba Sala fashion

We know that black and brown are universal colours, but your combination of the two and even the choice of wearing sneakers remind us of the comedy character Baba Sala.You are hereby fined N500,000 only!.