Celebrity | 16 March 2008 13:01 CET

I HAVE SEVEN PHONES; I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING WITH THEM, YET I’M THINKING OF GETTING THE EIGHTH

By By Olaiya Tolufashe

Trying to check Lepacious' Internet presence, I ran into this article entitled, Lepacious Bose: Large and In Charge: Big Lady Cracks Ribs in Accra, and I thought you'd like the lead.
Written by Lolade Adewuyi, an Accra based Nigerian writer, the article began…

“I don't know why slim girls are so insecure,” she says as she pauses on the stage all the while making the audience kill itself with laughter. __
Then, she continues in the manner of a brokenhearted girl, “He's cheating on me, I can't believe he's cheating on me. What more does he want? I've got all it takes”.

“Still more laughter…
“Then, the punch line: “Me, I get three times extra, they still dey cheat”, in obvious reference to her round waist. Then the audience looses it and erupts in loud applause.__..

In a world where slim is the fad, Bose makes fat sound cool. She is not your average fat chick as she's got a big mouth. Standing at 5'7 inches and weighing in at almost 200 pounds, she is a comedienne who knows how to throw her weight around. She rocked hearts of comedy lovers in Accra at the recently held Laugh and Rock show. “Such was the power that the comedienne a.k.a Lepacious wielded over the crowd making them laugh throughout her ten-minute act…”
It's the kind of report you read about exploits of Nigeria outside the shores of Nigeria and hoist a green, white and green flag in front of your house.

Now, if the report is anything to go by, (and it is something to go by) and much more because Lepacious was truly 'Large and in Charge' at the last After Party for the Future Award winners, she established herself another interesting guest on your Me & My GSM, and I spoke with her just before we left MicCom Golf Hotel & Resort, Ada, Osun State, venue of the After Party …

What was the first type of phone you used?
A Motorola talk-about.

Would you still use that type of phone now?
Why would I want to use a walkie-talkie? Your phone defines you especially when you are in this type of industry that I am in. You want to pick your calls in front of a client, or in front of your colleagues, and you bring out a 3310, it looks like you are not successful, it looks like you are suffering.
But apart from that, really and honestly, I am a gadget freak. I have like 7 phones, and sometimes I wonder what I do with the seven of them but I am thinking of getting the eight one. I just see some phones, I like them, and I can't wait to start using them. I am a gadget freak and I can be very extreme about it.

What functions do you like in a phone?
I like camera phones. I phones with voice prompt, I also like phones that have more intelligent features: organizers, planners, what else? I like computer like phones basically, I like phones like communicator, any phone that is like a lap top kind of thing. But don't ever ask me of the name of my phone, I can tell you I have a Nokia, an LG, a Sony Ericsson, a Samsong, but I don't know their models, I just know they are fine phones.

Do you download pornography on your phone?
What will I use pornography for on the phone? I have friends that do have pornography on their phones and I find it very amusing especially when they swoop it and they show one another and all that. The kind of things you'd probably see in my phones are mischievous sound tacks like 'I want to drink Small Stout,' or 'I dey ring, I dey ring o'… something stupid. Or a little boy that his mother is beating him and then he says 'na me be dis?' Funny things! Maybe because I am a comedian, but you will probably find things that will crack you up and make you laugh for a while.

Would you allow your boyfriend pick you calls?
I think it is disgusting. I think it's rude, I think it's disrespectful. I don't like people picking my phones, and I don't like people fiddling with my phone for whatever reasons. Don't read my text messages; that is why it is called, 'my phone.' That is why everybody has a phone and a number. I think it's totally wrong. I don't pick my boyfriend's phone; I don't expect him to pick mine. The day he picks it, en… the full size wey I take big, na im I go take sit down on top am.

How much do you spend on credit per month?
Ah, do you honestly want to publish that? Two things can happen you can turn me to another Tuface, they will be running after me thinking I have money. Or you will have more boy friends toasting me thinking I have money to by recharge cards.
But really and truly how much do I spend on recharge cards? On the average of a week, I buy N1500 on my MTN, about three times a week (that's N4,500). On my Celtel, I load N1000 three times a week – N3000. Then, on My Glo, because most people don't know that line, I buy N500 three times a week – N1,500. On my Starcoms, I buy N2000 a week – N4,000.
Olaiya, my father must not see this!
On my Reltel, I buy N1000 three times a week as well – N3,000. And on my Multilinks N1000 a week. That's N16000 in all.
And, N16,000 a week? Olaiya thanks for this interview. I'm telling you, I never knew I was spending that much until now. I think I should give out all my phones and keep one. This is crazy N16,000 times 4 is N64,000 in a month. That means in a year, I can buy a car. I can't believe this. I am so ashamed of my self.
Okay, let us make a deal, make sure when this story is published, you will inform me so I will inform all my friends not to buy Saturday Sun on that day. Nobody that knows me should know. Olaiya. I'm worried. This is a spiritual problem.

And what's your impression about girls that ask men for credit?
Really and truly all my life nobody has ever given me any gifts. I don't know. Even when I dated rich guys, they ended up asking me for things. I'm yet to go out with a guy that will just look at me and say 'Bose, I am sending you a recharge card.' I have not experienced it.
Personally, I grew up trained to be independent. If you tell my dad, 'daddy I need a pair of shoes,' you will probably wait for like 6 years before you get it. But if you tell him, 'daddy I need a pair of shoes, it's N5000, I have got N1500 saved,' he will probably give you the N3500 instantly to go get the shoe. His own idea is, you have to prove that you are disciplined enough to work at whatever it is you think you need.
So I think it's stupid. I think it's silly to ask anybody for recharge cards. I have always believed you should live on your means.

What do you think about GSM services in Nigeria
Why do you think I have so many lines? It's not because I like just to be buying phones. The network is crazy. I'm sure if the network I better, most Nigerians would probably just have two phones.
Their problems come with not sponsoring good shows. I swear if MTN, Celtel of Glo decides to sponsor me, they will see the change in their networks over night because I go sleep for church for their matter. Their problem is not technology, it is not energy, it is spiritual. Sponsor better programmes. Programmes with people who are thinking, people who are creative, people who wants breakthrough in this country, then you network will be better.
This year, I am having my show, it is called Fabulous & Sassy, if one of them will sponsor me you will see the change. Everything will work perfectly. When they sponsor people like me, I begin to pray for them, I am a spiritual person.

What's Fabulous & Sassy all about?
Fabulous & Sassy is a show that I am trying to put together. I am saying trying because I don't have a sponsor yet. I'm hoping to have it before the end of the year. It's a show targeted at the big people.
For once, I am going to celebrate big people. If you are anything above size twelve, come on, let's rock the house. We are going to have jokes at the expense of slim people. All our ushers are going to be big-figured girls. We are going to have a fashion show purely for sizes twelve and above. The dance is going to be done by big-figured girls. Everything is going to be done by big-figured girls.
We will have one or two comedians that are not big-figured but they will be briefed specifically for their jokes to be around big figured people. It's going to be a wonderful time. That is not that it is gong to be opened to only big people it is only to everybody.

I think so, I think it's time we start reorienting big people. Most big people are intimidated. They walk and the slouch. They don't dress well. They have not self- esteem. They do not carry themselves with confidence. Their boyfriends breakup with them and they feel it is because they are big. They go to parties and they don't dance because they feel 'I will look funny dancing.'
Big people are beautiful on the inside. I'm not saying don't try to loose weight, I'm not saying don't watch your weight, I'm saying appreciate your size. Have a nice time, enjoy yourself, and dress well.

Walk with your head high.
You are not a fat black person. That is what I tell people. I am not a fat black person, no! I'm first a beautiful, intelligent, attractive, fantastic, wonderful, big black person. That's what I am. Big is the last thing that defines me. And every big person needs to understand that, and that is what Fabulous & Sassy is all about. We saying, 'hey, we are beautiful, we are big, we are sassy, and you can't intimidate us.' The world is for everybody; it's not for skinny bones alone. That's it.

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