Slow down ma

We know how much you have invested in your jewelery box, but must you wear all at once? How would you explain this to this honorable court? Infact we can hear the grumblings of your neck region because when those jewelery were put on the scale they weighed about 25kilograms and that is an abuse! Also, we think you need to see a skin specialist urgently.

With all the authority vested in this court, we hereby confiscate your necklace and the proceeds from its sale would be handed over to the
motherless babies home.

Conflicting

The dress is fabulous but the combination is horrible! That heavy metal you have on your neck is not necessary because you already let your hair down. Infact your milk factory, the tattoo and the metals are competing for all the attention in the world. The sandals too are so out of place and we think you should know better. You have been fined N700, 000.

Bra crime

Haven't you heard the latest proclamation at the last bra crime conference?
The new act states that “'all bra sinners henceforth would be sentenced to three months jail at Kuje prisons with hard labour”. We hereby summon the Kuje prisons officials to transport you in cuffs by road in the latest Black Maria to the prisons.

Really offensive

On the 23rd of April, you were nabbed flaunting your tits all in the name of cleavage fashion to every D'banj, Wande Coal and Don jazzy. This is highly unbecoming and you have been fined N1million.

Trashy and flimsy

This cleavage business is rather unimpressive. It is so trashy and flimsy because you hardly even have a full cleavage to show off, so why waste our time? Pay the sum of N900, 000. I rise!

Unflattering

Madam, this style you chose is frumpy and it creates an unflattering illusion round your well-endowed tits. With this dress your tits look droopy and terrible. You are at fault because you just refused to obey Section 123 of the 1998 Constitution which says “not all trends work for all shapes”. We hereby call on your tailor to appear at the next hearing. But before then, pay a fine of N800, 000.

By 'Justice' Bolatito Adebayo
Prosecuting counsel: Dele Onatade
Photo arrangement : Ekiye Daniel