Touch Of Thoughts | 1 December 2010 15:39 CET

You Will Never Find a Husband, Pray All You Want

By jayfunade

As a woman, its not a bad thing if you want a man that has all your criteria, but it gets to a point when you should get off your high horse. I have this 36 years old aunt who is still as choosy as she was when she was 18 year old. I grew up listening to her with so much zeal and excitement cos I thot that was the ish. This is the criteria for everyman that wants to marry her :

1. You must be dark and tall. My aunty is as dark as charcoal so i wonder wetin she go born if she dey find dark man.

2. You must be a doctor or she fit manage pharmacist. Note,She is a teacher

3. Your parents must be influential in Nigeria or in the world. God forgive me, her parents are not “influential”

4. You must be as fine as Boris kodjoe but she says she can manage Tyson beckford. Note, she is not a pretty lady oo, so you wonder y monkey they call person monkey.

5. You must have at least $100,000 in your account prior to toasting her. She earns less than 45,000 naira monthly.

6. You must have white teeth cos she cant marry anyone with brown teeth. You need to see my aunty's teeth. its like palm oil mixed in poo poo

7. Your house must be fully tushed up. aka furnished

8. You must live in ABJ. she dey live for ojota

9. You should dress fashionably, aka. kill people fashion sense

10. Your mama must not be alive cos she cant stand mother inlaw. her own mama dey alive yet she wants someone's else's mother dead.

11. You must be driving the latest model of any car cos he no fit enter okada. Btw, she no get motto oo, na leggedes benz she dey use most of the time.

The list goes on and on. Whatever happened to understanding, God-fearing, well-behaved, loving, obedient, Spiritual. On the first date, any toaster way no pass any of her criteria is disqualified.No wonder she is still single, searching and crying ” who be my enemies wey they attack me and hinder my happiness.” You may be wondering if no one has been talking some sense into her. But the truth is that everyone including my parents and her parents have shut their mouth up cos my aunty bad mouth fit make person commit suicide. The worst thing about my aunty is that she is soo religious, she join choir so she fit see fine bobo. She also dey prayer band so she can pray for a husband. My aunty fasts like crazy with the hope of getting a husband.

The day I summoned up courage to tell her the reason she can't find a husband, she nearly chop me die. Notin way she no tell me ooo , she no even call me since den cos she say I be bad belle way no get sense. She says even the Bible says she should not settle for less. I guess she is reading a Bible I never heard of. but the question is that, na so dem they take find husband ? With a list like that ? Likewise, there are a thousand of women including me who make silly criteria's for husband. But really, do we possess some of those things we want them to possess. Look at yourself b4 aiming too high. Even if you pray and fast from now till forever, your prayer will not be answered except you lower those your unneccessary standards.

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