Dear Agatha,

I am in a very big fix. My wedding is only three weeks away but I am finding it very difficult to concentrate on the arrangements or stimulate the necessary excitement towards my bride.

It all started at about a month ago when I ran into my ex girlfriend. When we were in school, I wasn't too serious about her. Despite everything she did to demonstrate her love for me, I wasn't too enthralled by her.

A lot of my friends didn't like the way I was treating her back then, I recall my best friend telling me one day, after she came into my flat, met another girl left in agony and embarrassment at my treatment of her, that I would one day regret my treatment of that girl.

Although she came back after that, I knew something had changed in her. It wasn't something you can pinpoint but she was not the same woman I knew.

For a while she disappeared. I didn't bother to look for her because I was glad somehow was at least off my back. A year after, she came to see me in the office to inform me she was getting married. Strangely, I didn't feel excited at the news. I didn't like the idea of her getting married or any man coming near her. The feeling was so powerful and strange. I couldn't explain where it was coming from or the reason for it.

This is a woman. I have never felt a passing interest in a good mate nothing more so why should I have this intense feeling of hatred for the man I don't even know.

Casting away my gloom, I pretended to be happy for her. I took her out to celebrate but it was a mistake because the food tasted more like ashes in my mouth.

Needless to say, I didn't attend the wedding. When I told my friend what I was feeling, he didn't have any sympathy for me. He instead reminded me of my callous treatment of her.

It was a while, four years precisely before I got her picture out of my mind. Once I did, I proposed to the lady I had been dating. It was while shopping in one of those highbrow boutiques I ran into my ex girlfriend.

The moment I saw her, I knew my marriage plans were moribund. I wanted her like I have never wanted any woman. It was then it dawned on me that I have always loved this woman and the only one who has been able to touch me something very deep within me. I realized all that time I wanted her out of my life was because I was afraid to love and fighting my feelings for her.

Hugging her that afternoon did something to me I didn't know when I planted a big kiss on her lips, which strangely she returned with the same measure of thirst.

We ended up in a fast food outlet where she told me that her marriage packed up six months after it was contracted. She said, she should not have gone into it in the first place. She refused to go further, especially when I asked why she went into the marriage. The man she said has since re married.

Somehow I didn't want to know I was planning to get married. I was very afraid the information would make her disappear again into thin air. But I didn't want to lie or hurt her should she get to know after she leaves me. Reluctantly, I told her of my wedding plans. She wished me well but she said she would not be able to make it since she would be out of town that weekend.

Agatha, I have lost interest in my marriage plans. I realize that she will forever be the only woman I love and want. I want her for keeps. My best friend says I should not get married feeling this way for my ex that it was better to disappoint my wife to be than to make her and myself unhappy forever.

My parents have given me go ahead to stop the arrangements if I am sure she is not the right woman for me. My mother says she would rather face the embarrassment now than to have me unhappy.

Agatha, I am a bundle of confusion now. I can't think straight. Is something wrong with me? Can I still go ahead with the wedding or do you think I should terminate it and marry the woman I am very sure would make me a very good wife. I love my ex with everything in me. Please help me. The wedding with another lady is fixed for Saturday, April 8. I don't have much time to take a decision.

Edward

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