Dear Agatha,

familylinePlease help me resolve the crisis I am having in my marriage as a result of the behaviour of my sister in-law who is making my home a living hell.

Unmarried and far older than my husband, she has taken over the running of my home. She came on a visit and has refused to go. It has been four months since she has been staying with us. I have never before met anyone so troublesome and authoritative as this woman. She is so selfish; that she is deaf and blind to the needs or emotions of everyone around her. She tells my maids what to cook, how to arrange my home and dress my children. She practically determines the right time for my husband to retire to bed or the car I use. If I make the attempt to take a particular car, she would come to announce her desire to take the car out that day. To avoid problems, I would give in to her. As a result, she has turned my home into a living hell, so much so she determines what my husband and I wear to parties.

I don't know how to tell her to leave my home, since my husband is incapable of facing up to her. He is the last born and she is the first born. She is 22 years older than my husband. All the other wives in the family fear her and pray against her coming to their homes. The marriage of her third brother almost broke up as a result of her intrusion. It took the combined efforts of their aunt and her immediate younger brother to mend that home. Unfortunately, this woman passed on about six months ago.

Please help me before she collapses my marriage because I can no longer tolerate her. All my domestic staff take orders from her, rather than me. This is because she counters my every order. I am scared because I have only, through the grace of God, managed my temper to this moment.

If she stays longer, I might end up insulting her one of these days. These days, I stay longer in the office, even when I don't have anything to do, just to avoid her stress.

My husband has consistently pleaded with me not to be angry, that I should consider her attitude as one of the sacrifices a woman makes for the sake of her husband.

I love my husband so much; he is the best man I have seen in my life, the exact opposite of his tyrant sister. When she begins, he simply walks away, which often infuriates her the more. My husband is a perfect gentleman; never gets into argument with anybody. Even when I try to make trouble with him, he simply walks away rather than get into any confrontation with me.

We have been married for over a decade. This is the first time she is staying for this long and the first time I have ever had cause to quarrel or have a disagreement with my husband or any member of his family for that matter.

Worried Wife.
@Daily Independent

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