There is nothing in life more difficult than realizing that the person you trusted the most and considered your lover and friend is cheating on you. To tell if your husband is cheating, you must first accept the fact that it can happen, and then you need to become extremely observant of your husband's day-to-day behaviors and habits. Playing the detective may not feel comfortable, but it's necessary if you are to find out the truth.

Instructions

1. Accept the fact that your husband may be cheating on you. Until you accept the possibility, you will stay blind to obvious changes in his routine and behavior. Your mind will look to rationalize every event or circumstance. Once you accept the possibility that he may be cheating, then you will start to recognize the signs.

2. Observe changes in his routine. Is there a sudden change in his work schedule? Is he working overtime more often than usual? Are there emergency meetings that never happened before? Does he come in late at night and go directly to the computer? Is he staying up later at night and waiting until you have gone to bed before he goes to bed? Are spontaneous plans made without consulting you?

3. Observe his physical appearance. Is he dressing better? Is he keeping his hair trimmed more often? Does he all of a sudden start purchasing his own clothes? When he dresses, does he spend time looking at himself in the mirror? Men who are cheating are concerned about their appearance. Check the medicine cabinet for changes in his toiletries.

4. Pay attention to his behavior. Does he have fewer conversations with you and stay silent for periods of time? If you normally watch television together, does he walk off to another room? Does he avoid physical contact? He may not hug or kiss you, but that doesn't mean he won't have relations with you. It's a confusing time for him. Any person involved in cheating is dealing with internal conflict. Does he get angry at you easily or pick fights with you? Part of guilt is rationalizing the cheating. If you are difficult to be with, it allows him to feel better about the unfaithfulness.

5. Check the computer and his cell phone. On the computer, check the history. If it has been deleted, that is certainly a red flag. Few people delete the history on a computer unless they want to hide something. Check the cell phone incoming calls and outgoing calls. Look for calls that would occur when he is driving to and from work.

6. Look for the obvious. Is there a strange perfume smell in the car or on his shirts? Look for strands of hair in the car and on his clothing. Listen for calls to the house that are not answered and then his cell phone rings. Pay attention when someone calls the house and you answer and they hang up. Answer his cell phone and watch his reaction. Check his pockets for unusual receipts.

7. Collect the evidence. Keep a log of all the observations. Once you sit down and look through it all, you will have a good idea if you need to be concerned.

Tips and warnings

*Cheating can happen whether you've been married for five or 25 years.

*Ignoring the obvious won't help the relationship.

Why do women cheat?

Only 31 percent of marriages survive an affair. In today's society, female infidelity appears to be on the rise. According to Peggy Vaughan in her book, The Monogamy Myth, at least one partner in more than 80 percent of marriages is likely to have an extramarital affair, and her studies showed that almost half of the cheating partners are women.

Features

While it seems to be more common for men to cheat on their significant others, many women also stray. According to the Associated Press, 14 percent of women admitted to cheating on their partners, as opposed to 22-to-37 percent of men. However, The Journal of Couples and Relationships says about half of all married men and women will have extramarital sex during their lifetime.

Types

There are two main kinds of cheating for women. Emotional cheating may occur without actual sexual involvement. This commonly happens with a man who is close to her, such as a co-worker. These days, it may also happen in an online relationship. Physical cheating generally involves some form of intimacy, which can range from flirty touching to sex. A woman who is cheating on her significant other may commit both types of cheating concurrently.

Function

Women are more likely to cheat in relationships where they feel that their emotional needs aren't being met and may also cheat because their sexual needs aren't being satisfied. Common reasons women give for cheating include feeling lonely, feeling bored in the relationship or to increase one's own self esteem. Some women also seem to crave that "new relationship feel" and cheat on their husbands just for the rush of new romance. Others cheat in retaliation to their partner doing the same.

Effects

One of the most extreme effects of the disclosure or discovery of female infidelity within a relationship is divorce or ending the relationship. Other effects include loss of trust in the relationship, loss of intimacy and reciprocal cheating by the significant other. Cheating irreparably damages or changes the relationship. In some cases, trust can be regained, but it can take couples therapy and a lot of healing on both sides.

Identification

Women having affairs tend to follow similar behaviors. Some of the telltale signs to watch for include a change in appearance, such as new clothes or hairstyles, changing a long-standing routine and changes in sexual habits within the marriage (more or less sex than usual). Women may also slow down on communication, have unexplained absences and change their spending habits to accommodate the affair (spending money on gifts for her lover or on her personal appearance).