Relationships | 14 May 2012 11:54 CET

Unhappy with the affair ? Please let go!


Why waste time and remain in a relationship that makes you perennially unhappy? Ask yourself if it's worth your time, effort and love.

Well, if you are dating and really in love, it could be painful letting go. In fact, the pain can be so intense and heart-wrenching but know that life must go on. Why not try these few tips and start to live again?

• Accept what has happened

The first step to letting go of a loved one is to accept the situation at hand. No matter how smart, attractive and successful you are, you cannot command another person to stay or leave. Understand that you have no control over the other person's decisions and actions. If your relationship has turned sour, it is best to accept the reality and let go of your partner. Clinging to false hopes and expecting reconciliation will only increase your misery and prolong the hurt which you need to leave behind.

• Allow grief

Allow the pain of letting go of someone you love- grieve for a while. Denying the feelings of hurt or suppressing them with destructive habits will only make the pain worse and further delay the healing process which is necessary to help you bounce back.

Cry. Shedding tears is not a sign of weakness especially if you are going to feel better thereafter. Want to sob loudly? Go ahead in your own room when no one else is around. Let the pain get out of your system in whatever way you wish and you will surely feel a bit lighter.

• Talk to someone

A problem shared is half solved. Why not share your emotional trauma with a close friend, sibling or even your spiritual cleric if you are hurting too much? In order to successfully let go of a loved one, you need to work through your feelings of hurt, disappointment, betrayal and anger. Instead of whining and complaining endlessly, see if talking about your feelings can help you to garner some valuable lessons.

• Get rid of reminders

One practical way to let a partner go out of your life is to get rid of all the things that remind you of him or her. These may include letters, cards, gifts, clothes and jewellery. Don't hold on to any personal effects that your partner may have left at your place. The sooner you detach yourself from those things, the easier it will be for you to let go.

• Get out!

After you have allowed yourself to grieve for a certain period, make a firm decision to put all behind you and start going about your activities. Go back to your work if you had taken a few days off or rejoin any classes that you may have been taking. Remember, if you wish to let go of someone, you will have to take the first step. No one else can do it for you.

• Do something new

A tried and tested way of letting go of someone from your life is to do something new and different. Explore a new aspect of your social, creative or spiritual self and it will not only take your mind off the person who has gone but will also help to enhance your personality. Having a range of new interests will help you to understand that there is so much to live for.

• Don't seek answers

If your partner cheated on you, asking why he did so or what made her prefer another man over you is not only an exercise in futility but will make you more miserable than ever. Some questions may never have any clear answers. When you learn to accept the heartbreaks and disappointments as part of your past, only then will you be able to leave it behind and move on.

• Take one day at a time

As you are learning to let go of a loved one, there may be phases of ups and downs. Some days you may feel good about getting back your life together while on other days, you may feel utterly despondent and think that you will never get over the loss of the relationship. Understand that letting go is not a simple linear process. Special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries will be tougher than most days but sooner or later time will heal your wounds.

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